Every Star in the Sky Page 4

  When he was a puppy, instead of yelping or whining when he was upset, he made this funny little roaring noise. ‘Damned if that dog doesn’t sound like a bear,’ my dad would always say. Eventually the name just stuck.

  “Um… Jay?”

  She remembered my name. The girl next to me remembered my name. I don’t know why, but I smiled.

  “Yeah?”

  “Aren’t you scared?”

  “Uh… yeah, I think so. I mean, a little.” I just can’t lose any more family.

  “You don’t sound scared at all.”

  I swallow, and lightly clutch the bluebird feather under my shirt collar. “I just think that maybe this was meant to happen, and something’s waiting for me.”

  “What if they’re just going to kill us or something?”

  I shrug, “Then that is what was meant to be.”

  She pauses for a while, and then speaks again, “I wish I was more like you. I’m terrified. I miss my family… I have two little sisters back home. I’m sure they’re terrified. And my mom and dad… What is the point of this? What’s the point of any of this? Why does it have to be a secret? How are they even gonna know whether I’m still alive or if I’m dead in a few hours? And my boyfriend… I miss him so much.”

  Boyfriend. The word seems so foreign. I wonder if I can even feel love. If that’s a part of me. I wonder if my DNA even allows normal love.

  “You don’t want to be more like me. I’m weird,” I say.

  She just laughs again, “I don’t think so. You talk kind of different. Your voice and the way you say things. But you mean the same things as everybody else. You just say it in a different way. That’s not weird. And you’re so pretty, and you seem so happy and relaxed. I love your voice. You’d probably be great at telling stories or something.”

  Pretty? Happy? Relaxed? “I’m not.”

  She laughs, “Try it.”

  “I have. I’m not good at anything.”

  “Whatever. Everyone’s good at something. What are you good at?”

  “I, um… I used to… I wrote a lot of poetry. And that was okay, I guess. I can hunt. I can hunt anything at any range. I… sometimes I can sing.”

  “You can sing!” She says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. “Sing something. Um… Oh! My name is Grace. Sing ‘Amazing Grace.’”

  “I… Uh… I don’t…” I swallow and start to sing as quietly as possible.

  By the time I finished the chorus the entire wagon was quiet.

  “Again. Please.” Somebody on the other side says.

  I sing again and close my eyes, and I feel my soul breathe life into the musty wagon. 5 years of silence and the sound has come back. I haven’t experienced all the pain in the world, but my voice has. My voice knows what to do. When I sing, my whole body shakes a little, as though my flesh is surprised by the capability of the person inside.

  “...was blind, but now, I see.”

  “That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard,” Grace whispers next to me. Nobody else says a word.

  “How can you make such a happy song sound so sad?” someone asks.

  I shake my head, “Because it’s a sad song.”

  “What? How? That doesn’t make any sense. The entire thing is about how you can be saved from your sins or emotions through God.”

  “The sad part is that it doesn’t say anything about saving yourself,” I say.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Our wagon is unzipped. “Come, girls. Stretch your legs a while. See the kingdom.”

  We are brought out into an open field, seemingly on the outskirts of the capital. You can see its great, roaring shadow in the distance-- the palace, the lights. I can hear music from here. Sweet, joyful music. Faint and effortless, like the flapping of wings.

  “Wow… Isn’t it beautiful?” Grace says.

  She is stunning, with wavy blonde hair and rich brown eyes. Her skin looks like fine porcelain, shaded by the milky beams of moonlight. She looks like a painting. I look down at my own body covered in a tattered black cloak, push the thought of my own unworthiness away, and look at the shape of the capital in the distance.

  Not really. “Yeah, it’s beautiful.”

  “I hope we get to go to the palace. King Luther supposedly has five sons, you know. Handsome ones.”

  I hear laughter like a river over smooth stones. “Debatable, Miss Grace.”

  I swing around. “Princess!” I say awkwardly, and make a semblance of bowing before her.

  “I beg your forgiveness, Princess Anastasia, I only thought--”

  Princess Anastasia laughs. “No need to address me this way. I’m just a princess. Call me Anastasia. Wait, no-- call me Anna. Much more casual, don’t you think? I like that. I like that very much.”

  I peek up at her, and her eyes are glimmering with excitement. I can’t help but smile. Her happiness is contagious. Grace is smiling, too.

  “I never thought I would meet the princess,” Grace says. “You’re so much more beautiful in person.”

  Anna laughs again, “Well thank you, but most of my appearance is makeup. All of you ladies are so beautiful all on your own. I must admit, I find a bit of envy in that.”

  “I don’t think so,” I say. “I don’t think you’re wearing makeup.”

  “Jay!” Grace says, horrified.

  “No, she’s right. I’m not. I sort of failed at the humility bit, huh?” She giggles. “I did try. I just feel very… self-conscious, sometimes. However… I’m very impressed with your observation, Jay. Though I made a bit of an observation myself. Could I speak to you privately, for a moment?”

  I feel my stomach turn over. “Y-y-yes, your majes-- er, Anna.”

  She beckons me with a gentle hand gesture to follow her into her carriage. What the hell did I get myself into?

  “Watch Bear,” I whisper to Grace.

  She nods, eyes wide.

  I follow clumsily after her, half-tripping into the carriage after accidentally missing the hand of a servant that was intended to help me up.

  The carriage is spacious and clean. It smells of white lilies and… weathered paper and ink. I see a stack of books in the far seat and can’t help but smile. She gestures for me to take a seat across from her, and I do so.

  “Take off your cloak, please.”

  I pause. “I’m naked underneath.”

  She smirks, “A horrible thing to lie, isn’t it? Off with the cloak.”

  I take it off, leaving the ugly right side of my body exposed.

  “You have gone through a great turmoil, Miss Jay.” She frowns, gingerly taking my ugly hand and looking it over. “How did this happen?” Her icy eyes are abloom with genuine concern. I somehow feel safe around her, in a strange way. As though if it wouldn’t matter if I lied or told the truth, she would find the truth and accept it for what it was. She didn’t seem judgmental in the least. She almost reminded me of my mother, but I didn’t want to think about my mother right now.

  “I… I was out hunting. And there was an avalanche. I fell on my broken bow and arrows. I only got home safe because of Bear. I don’t… I don’t remember much.”

  “You poor thing…” She coos with sincerity.

  “Are you going to kill me now?” I can’t keep the thought from bursting out of my lips, the promise I’d made to myself utterly decimated.

  “Hardly! You need treatment immediately, before any permanent infection sets in! We’re taking you to the palace, now.”

  My eyes widen. “The palace? Are we all going to the palace?”

  She pauses. “Well… Yes. I… I can’t give everything away just yet. All I know is, I was asked by my father to search for the most beautiful young women in the land. And now here you are,” she smiles.

  I think my ears are broken. “What? The most beautiful…?”

  “Don’t tell me you don’t think you are so!”

  I think of the last time I saw myself. I was fourteen, and I saw myself in a mirror at the cat
hedral. Short black hair, brown eyes, freckles. Skinny and awkward.

  “But… I-I’m n-n-not, miss.”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake!” She ruffles around in a satin purse in her lap, pulls out a mirror, and hands it to me. “Look at yourself!”

  I gulp and slowly turn the mirror to face me.

  This can’t be real.

  My black hair falls to my shoulders in gentle waves, and my bangs sweep naturally to the side, as though by the wind. My lashes are thick and dark above my deep green eyes, veined in silver. My nose is soft and subtle-- cute, even. My cheeks mimicked pink roses, in color and round shape. My mouth is small, but my April-sky-pink lips are smooth against the rest of my face, and full. The only remnant of my awkward childhood appearance is the spatter of freckles across my cheeks and nose.

  “What the hell happened to me?” I whisper.

  “I would assume puberty,” Anna says, laughing like I am the funniest joke she’s ever heard.

  “This is insane. This isn’t me.”

  Anna shrugs, “Whatever you say, gorgeous.”

  My cheeks flush red in embarrassment and she giggles again. She opens the door and says something to her servant. He’s back in a minute, and Grace and Bear are suddenly in the carriage.

  “Oh, isn’t he darling!” Anna gushes. She kneels to greet Bear and rubs his tummy with her porcelain hands. His tongue lolls out of his mouth, and he has a goofy dog smile on his face.

  Grace looks at me mouthing ‘what’s happening?’

  I shrug. I couldn’t tell her. Maybe the princess has lost it. After seeing what she saw in the village, I wouldn’t blame her.

  “Grace, please, take a seat beside Jay. I want to get a good look at the both of you.” She leans out the window and yells to her butler, “If we’re ready, let’s go!”

  I hear the whipping of reins and the horses leap into motion. The sound of their hooves on the grass is surprisingly pleasant. I used to ride when I was younger, until our horse passed away of old age. Vague memories dance in the haze of my mind of hooves in snow and an unfading lust for adventure. I used to smile perpetually.

  “Grace, I believe I noticed something unsettling on your back earlier, and I brought you along so that we may treat you, as well as Miss Jay.”

  Grace glances at my injuries, blinks hard, and looks down. “Thank you very much.”

  Anna frowns. “What is the matter, dear?”

  Tears slip out of Grace’s eyes. “Nobody was supposed to see. He… he didn’t mean to hurt me… He just got angry sometimes. It was my fault. He just wanted me to do all of these things, and it was hard sometimes, but if I’d been a better girlfriend I would’ve done them, and then he wouldn’t have had to teach me a lesson.”

  “Grace,” I whisper, “Did your boyfriend hurt you?”

  She looks at me and looks back down to the floor. “I love him. I will always love him. I need to do better.”

  I finger the dagger in my pocket and imagine how it would feel to kill the monster who hurt Grace like this. That damned bastard.

  Part of me wants to see the wounds. See what she’s been hiding. But I know she is scared. I can’t imagine her situation, but I understand that now is not the time. Somehow. I wonder how Princess Anastasia saw them. It was as though she knew everything. Some sort of goddess rather than a princess.

  I don’t know why, but for the first time in my life, the silence among us makes me uncomfortable.

  “So, um, Anna, these are yours?” I ask, gesturing to the stack of literature.

  She smiles, “Unfortunately. Nothing good in there, though. My brother gave them to me to read, but I can’t stomach most of them. I can’t believe the kinds of things he reads. So boring.” She rolls her eyes.

  “Could I… Could I look at them?” I ask.

  “Be my guest! Maybe they’ll interest you more than they do me. Actually, that’s almost guaranteed.”

  I look through the pile-- sort through names like Dickens, Shakespeare, Milton, Cervantes, Descartes, Pascal, Coleridge, Blake, Swift, Defoe. My heart soars. I hadn’t read many of their works, but I knew their names from my book concerning literary history and evolution. There were no books in the village besides the ones my father had left behind. He told me to read every one of them, and I did, several times over.

  “So you have five brothers, lady Anna?” Grace asks, looking significantly less afraid. I wondered why she seemed to be so curious about them.

  “Unfortunately, I do. It can get a little hectic, to say the least. You’d like to know about them, I presume?”

  Grace nods enthusiastically, a small smile appearing on her lips. “Yes, please.”

  She laughs, “I don’t blame you. There’s Silas, Elliot, Benjamin, Julian, and Leon. Elliot is the oldest. He’s pretty standard fare for a king to-be. Kind, charismatic, intelligent, strategic, brave. I’ve yet to meet a girl who hasn’t swooned in front of him. Silas is the second child-- well, sort of. We’re twins. But anyway, he’s a snooze fest. He’s always studying the stars or reading about science or some nonsense like that. Third child, Leon’s… Well… Intense, I guess. He’s always really quiet. Brings a notebook with him everywhere. Lord knows what he writes in that thing. And he trains more than anybody I know. He’s the General of the army. Always has girls falling in his lap-- he’s quite the ladies’ man. I don’t really see the appeal, but hey, to each her own. Benny is fourth, and he is so sweet and funny. He’s always taking care of stray animals and nursing them to health, and playing with the servant children in the palace. He has more energy than anybody. Goes on these crazy runs every morning, and he always pulls pranks on the rest of us siblings. He put a fake finger in my soup once. I couldn’t eat for days. Julian’s the baby. He’s fourteen. I love him but he always seems angry about something. He throws a lot of fits. Baby gets whatever he wants, right? He’ll grow out of it, though. Just angsty teen stuff. Those are the basics, but I’m sure you’ll both get to meet all of them eventually. Dad and my brothers are the ones that sent me on this crazy mission in the first place, so they’d better have the decency to show their faces. I’m tired of being the bad guy all the time. I… that man who died.” Anna’s voice lowers to a hoarse whisper.

  “I’ve seen too many. I don’t want to see any more.”

  I pause for a moment. “Anna? Why was he killed?”

  Grace nudges me in the arm as if to scold me.

  She laughs, but this time it’s flat and cold. “Anybody who speaks out against father is killed. That’s just the way it is. No questions asked. I would change it if I could… But I’m just a second-born, and I’m a woman. I have no power here.”

  I want to ask her so badly. A long time ago, the soldiers of the capital stole my father away from me. Why? But the words don’t come. I don’t understand people very well, but I doubt she’d be willing to discuss it, and I didn’t want to talk about it in front of Grace. I couldn’t let her know how much the capital had broken me. I had to be the strong one for her.

  “What about your mother? Er, if you don’t mind my asking,” Grace says.

  Anna smiles. “My mother is the most beautiful woman in the world, and the kindest, and easily the most incredible. I don’t know if people would hear much about my mother from little villages like yours, closed off from everything, but when she and my father married, she was a commoner at the time. Just a seamstress. But supposedly, he had never seen a woman more beautiful or brave. She marched right up to him while he was walking through a village and told him what a horrible job my grandfather was doing. There was a lot of war at the time… Wars my grandfather never started and never stopped. Everything was about conquest and destruction. But my father agreed with her and supposedly fell in love right away. My mother warmed up to him slowly, but within the year he proposed, and she says “yes” was the easiest choice she’s ever made.

  Grace smiles shyly. “I want a love like that.”

  Anna reaches out for her hand. “You shall have it.
Eventually, the thing that you deserve will come to you. I promise.”

  We chat easily for the rest of the carriage ride until the carriage stops in its tracks and slides forward a bit.

  “Ah, we’re here. Follow me, ladies and gentle dog.”

  Grace and I follow Anna as she wraps around a brick wall and leads us to a small, circular building. Despite the beautiful early morning sun, the castle looms overhead, a dark and menacing mammoth of stone.

  I gulp and look away. The intense scent of fresh herbs pierces my nose as we enter the little structure. A room full of empty white cots greets us. In the back, I see a door marked with a black “X.”

  Immediately before us is a desk amassed with papers, jars of herbs, and bottles of liquids in suspicious shades of color. A scrawny younger man with messy chestnut hair is rustling furiously through a folder, when he hears our entrance.

  He drops the folder on the ground and holds his hands up in a surprised greeting. “Ah, Princess Anastasia! These must be the… Oh dear.”

  He shuffles over to me, pushing his circular spectacles up on the bridge of his nose as he examines me.

  “How could this have gotten so bad! No matter. The leg and hand are an easy fix. The arm may take a while longer. And what do we have here?” He looks confusedly at Grace.

  “Dr. Rolphe, this is Jay and Grace. Jay had a hunting accident and Grace had a run-in with an outlaw who attacked her from behind. Isn’t that right?”

  We both nod.

  “Please take care of them as quickly as possible so that they may be situated in the palace before noon.”

  “Before noon? Why, I’d have to be a magician to fix wounds like this by then! Luckily for you, I’m the next best thing. I can bring medicines to their rooms so that you ladies can treat the wounds daily and make sure nothing gets infected, fight pain, so on. Come, ladies, lie on these cots here-- I can pull the divider between the two of you for privacy--”